Tuesday, September 6, 2011


It's the reminders that I'm not expecting, the ones that sneak up and surprise me, that make it hard. I'll get a whiff of the detergent my host family used or I'll think I hear a familiar voice from someone I knew in Portugal, and it will send me back and I will almost be knocked down by the force of the memories and saudades. I miss everything about Portugal, and I feel lost here where nobody understands the trials and tribulations I've had. Nobody really wants to hear about Portugal; they ask my how my "trip" was and when I can't find words, they move on to more interesting things than my inability to express myself in English.
Portugal is in my mind every waking minute, but nobody understands.
Quero voltar.
Tenho imensas saudades da minha família portuguesa, da minha turma, dos meus amigos, da Lina e do gatinho. Não gosto das minhas colegas cá, e sinto-me uma estrangeira no meu próprio país.

I feel like I understand so much more about myself, other people, and life in general, and that I have exchange to thank for that. One of my best friends left for Germany the other day, and I was soo jealous just remembering my exchange. I'm happy here, but I'm restless. I'm plagued by my own subtle discontents. For now, I'm working on my Girl Scout award and applying to college, but the traveling bug is back. I wish CNM offered Romanian or Norwegian.